Tag Archives: nerves

Happy 2nd Birthday To Me…

2nd birthday blog collage

Happy 2nd Birthday to me….well to my blog page to be more precise.

Where did those two years go?

I’ve just re-visited that first, nervous blog post and been reflecting on the past two years and the blogging/creative/life journey I’ve been on.

Some of you have been there every step of the way and for that I can’t thank you enough.

Some of you have joined along the road and I am humbled that you have taken the time to offer your support. Thank you.

When I started this blog, my primary aim was to overcome one of my biggest fears as a writer – the fear of people reading what I write. I said back then that I felt as though I was standing naked in front of a crowded room.

What have I accomplished over the past two years?

Well, I’m still the mother of two teenagers (Boy Child and Girl Child), still the adopted human slave to my cats, still married to the Big Green Gummi Bear and still working full-time in the “salt mine”.

I’ve kept my promise to post one blog post per week. Admittedly some weeks have been tougher than others.

This year I’ve also started a second blog, The 525 To Glasgow, where I share my musical musings.

On this page, I’ve been working on two serialised stories- The Imp and Still As A Statue. Both of these have been “parked” for now but I promise I will continue them both when the time is right.

My biggest creative achievement though has to be Book Baby. In the initial blog on here I said I was working on what I hoped would become my first novel, adding “but whether it will ever see the light of day beyond my conservatory remains to be seen.”

The dream became a reality on 15 April 2015 when Stronger Within aka Book Baby was published via Kindle.

On 11 June, the second part of the dream came true when I held it in my hands as a “real” paperback book for the very first time.

I still don’t fully believe that it’s sunk in that I am a bona fide published author. It still feels like a wonderful dream that I don’t want to wake up from.

The reviews that Book Baby has received have been incredible. I still can’t comprehend that people have read my book while on holiday, on flights or as bed time reading. It’s all quite surreal!

So, have I succeeded in overcoming my fears over the past two years?

Partly, if I’m totally honest. Every time I hit “publish” on a blog post my stomach still lurches. I no longer feel as if I’m standing naked in a room full of strangers. Instead, it feels more like standing there in a very tight overly-short dress while wearing high heels. Perhaps one day, maybe another two years down the line, I’ll feel as though I’m standing in front of you all, relaxed, in t-shirt, jeans and mu beloved Converse. Time will tell!

 

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The First Few Days of Book Baby Motherhood

Book Baby Blog collage

It’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting in the sun with a coffee and some hot buttered cinnamon raisin toast, trying to get my head around the last few days.

What can I say about last week? Where to start!

When I uploaded my last blog post and launched Book Baby on the world I was physically trembling with nerves – scared nerves and excited nerves.

Walking into the salt mine as usual an hour or so later felt weird. I guess by then my own paranoia was beginning to creep in and I felt as though everyone was staring at me. The rational voice in my head told me not to be so stupid, to go and get a coffee and get on with some work – I did.

Throughout the day my phone, email and FB pages were lit up like Christmas trees as I was smothered in congratulatory wishes. Thank you!

The majority of the day was spent with a warm feeling of pride burning deep inside me – possibly fuelled by the 50 Shades of Red I turned every time anyone spoke to me about Book Baby!

I had bought a tiny bottle of bubbly on my way home the night before. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure how to celebrate this momentous event. I’d gone through many ideas in my head but wasn’t confident that anyone else would be the least bit interested in celebrating with me on a Wednesday night or any other night for that matter. (I’m not a party person)

The Big Green Gummi Bear usually heads to the gym after work so I didn’t expect him home until late – hence the choice of a little bottle of bubbles. Enough for one small glass each. One wee toast.

He surprised me by coming home early, skipping the gym. He said he felt as though it was wrong to go to the gym and that he should come home and celebrate with me. That meant SO much to me!

We toasted the birth of Stronger Within together – should’ve bought a bigger bottle after all!

Then we were both looking at each other with a “Now what?” question hanging in the air.

Emotionally it all felt very surreal and, to be honest, it still does.

Even now, I’m still blushing bright red any time anyone speaks to me about the book. That little nagging voice of “Paranoia” has been whispering in my ear all week as I hear of more and more friends and family (including parents!) and friends of my parents (eek!) who are reading or planning to start reading my Book Baby- what if they hate it? What if they think its rubbish? What if they are laughing at me behind my back?

What can I say? That’s me through and through about most things in life! Still psychologically scarred from the dim and distant past.

So “Now what”?  The question is still hanging there waiting to be answered.

I’ve drawn up a short list –

  • Stop feeling so self-conscious and allow myself to feel proud of my achievement
  • Relax and let things take their course with Stronger Within
  • Re-connect with my characters and story lines. The rest of the tale isn’t going to write itself!
  • Learn how to stop blushing!

I’ve a feeling that the last one may prove to be impossible!