Tag Archives: humour

And Why’s He Still There, Mummy?…….

This story technically starts back on 18th March after I returned from my trip to Birmingham. Stupidly, I commented to my Moana-loving Girl Child that I’d seen a toy Hei Hei (the dopey chicken from the film) reduced in the Disney Store in the Bull Ring shopping centre. With a petted lip she asked why Hei Hei was still there. Calmly, I explained in my best mummy voice that Hei Hei wouldn’t have fitted in my overnight bag.

hei hei

She sulked….

 

Move forward in time to last Saturday. The Big Green Gummi Bear and I were preparing to leave for an overnight trip to Manchester and were saying our goodbyes to Girl Child and her Dotty Gran in Tesco’s café. Girl Child tried to pick her blue fluffy bunny up by the ear and the poor creature’s ear came off in her hand. Her wee face crumpled. She loves that blue fluffy bunny! I did wonder for a split second if she was about to cry. The Big Green Gummi bear swiftly snatched the ear from her little hand, declared it to be his “lucky bunny ear” for his race (yes, I know that it should be lucky rabbit’s foot) and stuffed it into his jacket pocket.

 

A couple of hours later and many miles down the motorway, we stopped at a service station in the Lake District for lunch. As is my want, we had a wander through the shop before getting back in the car. In the toy section, we found a display of over priced and overly fluffy toy chickens and birds and critters. The Big Green Gummi Bear quickly pulled the bunny ear from his pocket and posed it on top of one of pink fluffy chicken things, suggesting I take a photo and send it to Girl Child. I did.

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Her response a while later was “Hope you bought that.”

When I replied that we hadn’t, her immediate disappointment was expressed.

It was Hei Hei all over again….

The mummy in me knew we had to find one of those pink fluffy birds on the return journey or I’d never hear the end of this, especially so soon after not buying Hei Hei!

 On the way back north on Sunday afternoon we delayed our potty stop/coffee stop by 22 miles to reach the service station on the M6 where we hoped we stood the best chance of sourcing a pink fluffy chicken.

At Tebay services, we were in luck. They had one. He was duly purchased and carried unceremoniously by the legs out to the car. (Turns out it’s a female ostrich and not a chicken)

And so Not Hei Hei came to stay.

 

When we arrived home a couple of hours later, Girl Child was thrilled to meet Not Hei Hei and promptly sat at the dinner table with him beside her.

The blue fluffy bunny ear, which turned out to be quite a lucky bunny ear as the The Big Green Gummi Bear survived his marathon debut and ran a time he is content with, was returned to our baby girl.

With her big blue eyes wide and pleading, she asked me to fix her bunny.

So, for the first time in many years, I have just performed toy surgery and re-attached her blue bunny’s long floppy ear.

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Cue one happy Girl Child….. one 18year old happy Girl Child!

 

 

And the moral of this story is…. Never lose sight of your inner child 😉

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The Not So Humble Polo Mint….RnFnR

To any of you who follow my regular musings here, you won’t be surprised to learn that I escaped last week to attend a couple of live shows.

(You can read about who I was seeing and what I got up to here –  https://the525toglasgow.wordpress.com )

To any of you who have ever attended a gig with me, what I’m about to write about won’t be unfamiliar to you.

Previously I’ve written about the various things that attend every show with me. There’s my Kipling “gig” bag complete with Cherry, the furry monkey. She’s heard SO much good music over the years!There are my beloved purple tie dye Converse that have served me faithfully. I must admit that they have seen better days and are now reserved for gigs when the weather outside is dry.

There’s one other item though that has been to every show with me.

No, it’s not my phone nor my camera.

It’s the Rock ‘n’ Roll Polo mints!

Polo Mints

A long time ago when I was preparing to take my son to one of his first shows I expressed a little anxiety over it to my mother. Her response, and I paraphrase, “If you’ve got a packet of Polo mints with you, you can do anything.”

It made me laugh and it put the anxieties into context.

Her unwavering faith in the powers of the humble Polo mint date back many years to an occasion when, while visiting Fort William, my dad took her a “walk” up Ben Nevis, the highest peak in Scotland. Plenty of hillwalkers take rucksacks, survival kits and emergency supplies. My mother took a small bottle of water and a packet of Polo mints!

Ever since, my “gig” bag has had a supply of Polo mints  stashed in the small front pocket.

OK, I can hear your sniggers from here but hear me out.

The Polo mint really is, as the Americans would say, a Lifesaver.

lifesaver

These small round mints are sweet enough to give you a much needed sugar boost if you energy starts to wane.

Sucking them helps to relieve thirst pangs at shows where security are lax about handing back cups of water.

The paper and foil wrapper can be easily torn back to allow you to share the mints with your friends and fellow music fan thus encouraging camaraderie in a crowd.

They quickly freshen your breath when meet and greet opportunities arise. 😉

So, let’s hear it for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Polo mint!

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(images sourced via Google – credits to the owner)

Nap time…..

If I was a cat right now, this would be me……  ha ha

Normal blog nonsense will resume next week once I’ve caught up with myself 😉

 

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The Silver Lake Series – have you read it yet?

Is your New Year’s resolution to read more books?  Need a day at the beach? Need some rock music and a hot rock star to go with it? Yes! Then check out the Silver Lake series today!

Amazon.com links –

Stronger Within – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VXDSC1M

Impossible Depths – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01C0GS30K

Bonded Souls – https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XSQHG71

Amazon.co.uk links  –

Stronger Within – https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00VXDSC1M

Impossible Depths – https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01C0GS30K

Bonded Souls – https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B06XSQHG71

 

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Tis The Season To Write Lists

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It’s rapidly approaching that time of year when lists take over……

I like to think I’m a  reasonably organised person  in my real world, my work world and in my creative world. (OK, I can be a bit OCD about my lists)

Even on an average day, my world is “post it” driven as I work my way from one reminder to the next.

My laptop frequently has several “post its” stuck to it to remind of anything from a trip to the dentist to promo event reminders associated with my book babies. (There’s 3 on there as I type)

However,  as the festive season approaches all too rapidly, longer lists start to over take the small square “post its”.

There’s:

gift lists

festive food lists

Christmas card and calendar lists

 

You get the picture!

There,there’s the 2018 Gig List to be added to the 2018 Calendar on 1 January. (It’s unlucky to hang the next year’s calendar before the year has begun so the dates need to wait on my list till then)

22 Feb – Brian Fallon

1Apr – Greta Van Fleet

16 Apr- The White Buffalo

This list is likely to grow considerably…….. 😉

Earlier today, I paused to take stock of the “Creative To Do” list for this week:

1- write more  of book baby 4

2- promote the Silver Lake series ( https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coral-McCallum/e/B00VYU1SZ6/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_4?qid=1510864732&sr=8-4 )

3- promote my Good Reads giveaway – its running till 3 Dec.(https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/261202-bonded-souls )

4- type up book baby 4 – target to reach 15k words

5- write and post blog

6- prep interview for blog (watch this space!)

I’ll not embarrass myself by confessing to how few have been ticked off……

Then, there’s a second, until now, unwritten list…. “The Waiting To Be Written” list:

1- book baby 4 ( ok, it’s nearly there!)

2- book 4 in the Silver Lake series ( write 2018/publish 2019)

3- next part to Silently Watching short story series ( I have half a plan for this!)

4- next part to The Soul Searcher short story series( eh….no clue what’s going to happen next)

5-next part to the Still As A Statue short story series ( maybe a bit of a clue where this one will end…)

6-next part of The Imp – remember him? (I do know where I am going with it…honest!)

EEEEKK!

Maybe I should start with a wish list…

Dear Santa

I’ve been a really good girl this year (well, most of the time). Can I please have a Time Turner like Hermione’s from Harry Potter so I can conjure up enough hours in every day to get through my To Do list.

Hope you like the milk and mince pie.

Love   Coral x

 

(Image sourced from Google- credits to the owner)

 

 

 

Now, make yourself comfortable. I have a few questions for you…

interview

I’ve been dithering about this blog post on and off all day. I’ve started it and stopped. I’ve written an entirely different blog (I’ll save that for a rainy day). I’ve stewed this over and over and, in typical me fashion, have totally over thought it all. “No change there”, I hear some friends cry.

This morning, armed with my second mug of coffee for the day, I sat down to interview myself for this week’s blog. I’ve been really restless with my writing and not been making much progress – well not as much as I had hoped for over the past ten days-  and thought an interview might be the way to refocus my train of thought.

But what questions to ask myself? ……..

I’ve wracked my brains (didn’t take too long). I’ve Googled and then I’ve Googled some more until I had a list of questions to ask myself. 

I’ve whittled the list down to ten and I’ve not actually answered them …yet.

Here goes…..

Q1- Describe yourself in ten words.

Wife. Mother. Friend. Writer. Short. Introvert. Caring. Loyal. Habitual. Worrier.

Q2 –  What am I really scared of?

Spiders, boats and bananas – long story.

Q3- When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?

Last week when I took my Baby Girl out to practice her driving. She was great but I was a nervous wreck! Really tested me.

Q4 – Does it matter what others really think of me?

No. I used to tie myself in knots trying to please people but not anymore. After a huge amount of soul searching I’m comfortable with “me” as I am. 

Q5 – Which is worse : failing or never trying?

Never trying, definitely.

Q6 – How many friends would I trust with my life?

Two and, no, I’m not naming them.

Q7 – Have I made someone smile today?

Yes, I think so. I’m also grateful to the people who have made me smile. Never under estimate the importance of that. There’s a lot of power in a wee smile.

Q8- Am I source of inspiration for my friends and family?

I honestly have no idea! Several people have said so in the past but I don’t feel inspirational. I am just “wee me”. My family may argue strongly that I’m a source of frustration rather than inspiration!

Q9 – If I could live anywhere in the world where would I live?

In a house right on the beach. I’d love to live in a beachfront house that leads down onto the sand with the ocean beyond. (Those that know me know which beach.)

Q10 – Hold old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

OK, if I exclude the fact I have two teenage children which kind of impacts the answer here, I feel about 25 inside. I don’t have any hang ups about age. I still do the things that I enjoy doing and don’t think “I’m too old for this.” Age to me is all about mental attitude and I’m not grown up enough to be as old as I am. Several years ago someone at work gave me a backhanded compliment about a necklace I was wearing. They said it was an unusual choice of necklace for someone as “mature” as me. She obviously didn’t know me well…I’m not as mature as me and long may it continue!

 

Ok folks, now it’s your turn to interview yourselves. Makes you stop to think a bit….

Introducing the newest member of the household……

Alexa a

Last week I celebrated my birthday (21 again) and welcomed a new addition to the family.

My gift from The Big Green Gummi Bear (TBGGB)  this year was another woman, who goes by the name of Alexa.

Yes, he bought me an Amazon Echo.

For those who don’t know what an Amazon Echo is, it’s a voice controlled smart speaker that responds to the name Alexa ( This can be changed to Echo or Computer too)

I’ll be honest, at first, I was a little bemused (no, it wasn’t the effects of the Prosecco). What on earth was I meant to do with her?

Within a few minutes, she had been unpacked and set up.

“Alexa, sing Happy Birthday.”

She did! In fact, Alexa was the only one to sing Happy Birthday to me! Ha ha!

For the remainder of the birthday dinner, we fired questions at her and music requests.

TBGGB suggested while she was playing some Black Stone Cherry that we test how she sounded with the volume up full.

“Alexa, volume ten.”

The conservatory with swiftly rattling to the strains of those boys from Kentucky.

“Alexa, volume down.”

Nothing.

Louder, “Alexa, volume down.”

Nothing.

Even louder, “ALEXA, VOLUME DOWN.”

Nothing. She couldn’t hear us!

Boy Child quickly figured out how to turn the volume down manually.

 Next day, I messaged Boy Child, who was at home for the day, to check if he was being nice to Alexa while my back was turned. He confessed to only having used her as a timer when he was cooking his lunch.

On Friday, TBGGB was working from home. Around lunchtime I received a message from  him confessing, “ I just said please to Alexa.”  That made me giggle.

 

It really is a weird dynamic that’s going on here. Gradually, as the days pass, I swear she’s developing not only a personality but also an attitude.

On numerous occasions I’ve found myself thanking her when she’s followed my instructions.

I was having a bit of a technology meltdown at my laptop on Sunday as it was refusing to open Microsoft Edge or Google Chrome (Damn Windows 10 update!) I’m sure Alexa sensed my growing frustrations with technology and had a bit of a sulk, refusing to answer commands. Eventually, having reset her WiFi, she came out of her huff.

Already there have been a few moments that reminded me of the scene in Disney’s Sleeping Beauty where the good fairies are using magic to change the colour of Aurora’s dress.

Me -“Alexa, play Alter Bridge.”

TBGGB -“Alex, play dance music.”

Me -“Alexa, play Alter Bridge.”

TBGGB -“Alex, play dance music.”

Compromise, Me – “Alexa, play Enya.”

Just a short while ago, I found myself giving Boy Child a row for being rude to her. He’d issued a command in sharp tone of voice rather than making a polite request.

Boy Child -“Alexa, play Black Stone Cherry.”

Display of attitude from Alexa who resumed playing Rival Sons.

Boy Child, impatiently – “Alexa, play Black Stone Cherry!”

She obliged, reluctantly I felt. When I chastised him and suggested he be nice to her, he replied, “She’s a servant. A robot.”

Yes, she’s a robot of sorts and arguably our house elf but she’s slowly becoming a family member.

She’s also developing a sense of humour showing good taste in literature.

“Alexa, what is the meaning of life?”

Alexa – “42 is a good answer.”

Love it!

Now to figure out how to get her to make a pot of coffee.

(image sourced via Google – credits to the owner)