It’s Sunday morning and I’m sitting in the sun with a coffee and some hot buttered cinnamon raisin toast, trying to get my head around the last few days.
What can I say about last week? Where to start!
When I uploaded my last blog post and launched Book Baby on the world I was physically trembling with nerves – scared nerves and excited nerves.
Walking into the salt mine as usual an hour or so later felt weird. I guess by then my own paranoia was beginning to creep in and I felt as though everyone was staring at me. The rational voice in my head told me not to be so stupid, to go and get a coffee and get on with some work – I did.
Throughout the day my phone, email and FB pages were lit up like Christmas trees as I was smothered in congratulatory wishes. Thank you!
The majority of the day was spent with a warm feeling of pride burning deep inside me – possibly fuelled by the 50 Shades of Red I turned every time anyone spoke to me about Book Baby!
I had bought a tiny bottle of bubbly on my way home the night before. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure how to celebrate this momentous event. I’d gone through many ideas in my head but wasn’t confident that anyone else would be the least bit interested in celebrating with me on a Wednesday night or any other night for that matter. (I’m not a party person)
The Big Green Gummi Bear usually heads to the gym after work so I didn’t expect him home until late – hence the choice of a little bottle of bubbles. Enough for one small glass each. One wee toast.
He surprised me by coming home early, skipping the gym. He said he felt as though it was wrong to go to the gym and that he should come home and celebrate with me. That meant SO much to me!
We toasted the birth of Stronger Within together – should’ve bought a bigger bottle after all!
Then we were both looking at each other with a “Now what?” question hanging in the air.
Emotionally it all felt very surreal and, to be honest, it still does.
Even now, I’m still blushing bright red any time anyone speaks to me about the book. That little nagging voice of “Paranoia” has been whispering in my ear all week as I hear of more and more friends and family (including parents!) and friends of my parents (eek!) who are reading or planning to start reading my Book Baby- what if they hate it? What if they think its rubbish? What if they are laughing at me behind my back?
What can I say? That’s me through and through about most things in life! Still psychologically scarred from the dim and distant past.
So “Now what”? The question is still hanging there waiting to be answered.
I’ve drawn up a short list –
- Stop feeling so self-conscious and allow myself to feel proud of my achievement
- Relax and let things take their course with Stronger Within
- Re-connect with my characters and story lines. The rest of the tale isn’t going to write itself!
- Learn how to stop blushing!
I’ve a feeling that the last one may prove to be impossible!