Weird Austin soundtrack

About a month ago, I flew to Austin Tx to catch up with my Boy Child who has been doing some travelling and to attend the MotoGP weekend at COTA.

I arrived at the airport late in the afternoon somewhat weary after a long flight from London. Boy Child had kindly met me at the airport and as we left the terminal building to go across to the rideshare pick up point, two things hit me. The first was the heat! The second was the most bizarre noise I’d heard in a long time. Had I just stepped onto the set of a Star Wars movie? The noise was a cross between a Star Wars droid, radio static and an old rusty squeaky door.

“What the f**k is that?” I asked as I laughed at this weird noise.

Boy Child fell about laughing. “It’s a bird.!

I know they refer to “Weird Austin” but no one mentioned “Weird Austin” birds!

Next day was Thursday, so with a free day ahead of our MotoGP experience, we took an uber from our hotel into the city centre to explore. The driver dropped us at the State Capitol Building and as we walked through the surrounding park, all you could hear every few minutes was the crazy calls of these bizarre birds.

“What is making that racket?” I asked.

“Those,” replied Boy Child pointing to a crow-like bird in the grass ahead of us.

That is in fact a Grackle. A Great-tailed Grackle to be precise and it’s a member of the blackbird family (thanks Google). Despite its looks, its neither a crow nor a jay. It’s a blackbird. Wee Scottish blackbirds sound nothing like their Southern USA cousins, I can tell you!

Austin is full of these birds! Some people love them; some people hate them as they can be aggressive and they scrounge food from everywhere and anywhere. In fact, Austin residents refer to them as “tacoraptors” thanks to their habit of scrounging from the city’s many food trucks.

Me? I fell a little bit in love with these cheeky intelligent birds. Their quirky birdsong made me laugh out loud every time I heard it all week. A bird that makes me laugh can’t be a bad thing. Laughter is good for the soul after all.

If you want to hear for yourself what these guys sound like, there are several sound samples in the article below:

Great-tailed Grackle | Audubon Field Guide

(article sourced via Google- credits to the owner)

The Shadow of Strength That Falls Behind Me.

“The taller I stood in my vulnerability, the longer the shadow of strength that fell behind me.” That sentence by Beth Kempton resonates with me.

Six months have passed since G drew his last breath, ending his and our (the kids and I’s) ordeal that was his Glioblastoma journey. It was a journey to hell and back and then some.

In the midst of the journey that lasted for just over three years, it was impossible to recognise just how vulnerable I really was. Now six months on from the journey’s end, I am slowly coming to terms with the enormity of the whole thing. People keep telling me who well I’m doing, how well I’m coping, how strong I am… I don’t feel as if I’m doing any of those things.

I feel as though I am slowly but surely picking up the shattered pieces of “me”. I’ll never reassemble them as they were before. That “me” has gone forever. This version of “me” will be different. I firmly believe it’s impossible to watch someone you love to die slowly bit by bit, day by day, and for that not to change you.

It’s recognised that a Glioblastoma diagnosis is one of the toughest to receive. It truly is! These tumours are a death sentence from the moment of diagnosis at present. Hopefully one day soon science will advance enough to change that. For now though, there is no cure. Many tumours are too advanced at the point of diagnosis to even be surgically debulked or for any life prolonging treatment to be an option. In reality, treatment can only buy so much time and tragically that can be quite poor quality of life “time”. Apologies if that seems harsh but it’s the truth….

Throughout G’s journey, I knew I had to keep going. I had to keep going to work (albeit work was in the living room rather than in the office). I had to keep going to set a strong example for my son and daughter to follow. I had to keep going for my elderly parents’ sake to stop them from worrying too much about us all. I had to keep going for G’s sake. I had to keep going for me because I knew if I stopped, I would crumble.

I kept going…

I kept working full time throughout. I kept writing, finishing and publishing one novel then writing and publishing another. I kept blogging, never missing a week. I kept journaling because pouring my emotions and fears out through the words I wrote on the pages of my journal kept me going…and so it continued.

There were many complexities to my marriage. I don’t propose to dissect it here. No marriage is ever wholly perfect. Mine, all 28 years of it, was far from perfect. Over the past few years, I’ve come to realise that society assumes everything in a relationship is a bed of roses pre-diagnosis. The truth in some cases can be a very different story.

I promised G right at the start of the journey that I would support him and whatever decisions he made to the bitter end, and I did. My love and support never wavered. I can say that with a clear conscience.

Only now though as the shadows of grief start to stretch out behind me, can I begin to appreciate the mental, physical and emotional toll that this journey has taken on me and my children. I don’t often admit it but we’re each a bit “broken”. Certain aspects have left each of us suffering symptoms similar to PTSD, but I believe that time is a good healer and with time and unconditional love, I’m optimistic that we’ll be ok. Time will tell.

I’m not very tall so I’m not sure that the opening sentence from Beth Kempton truly applies but even if I don’t stand that tall, I didn’t allow the weight of the journey to render me so vulnerable that I broke. I’ll not lie, I came close a few times but each time I would turn my face towards the sun and let the shadows fall behind me, adopting my “Sunflower Philosophy”.

That shadow that now follows me through every day has changed too. It’s a shadow compromised of resilience, strength, stubbornness, determination, empathy, compassion and unconditional love. It’s a shadow that I’m gradually learning to be proud of.

Stats , views, likes, followers……and Greenland

It’s hard to avoid being caught up in the statistics game when you are on a creative journey. I give my stats an occasional glance. I think in pictures so the stats map within the depths of WordPress invariably catches my attention more than the numbers.

I’m flattered that anyone would spare a moment of their day to read my blog posts. Life’s busy so I am thankful to those souls who stop by my blog and read my content. Time is precious and if you’ve spared me some of yours then I am eternally grateful.

The map fascinates me. I saved the snip above of the map from my blog stats recently. It shows all the areas of the world where someone has spared a few moments to look at my blog at some point during its lifespan. If it’s pale pink then there have been a few views. If it’s a deeper shade then the numbers are higher. I’m based in the UK and the 16125 noted on the map is the total number of views from there. The number for the USA isn’t far behind it and that surprises me, if I’m being honest.

All of those pink countries make me go a bit pink too. (Yes, I know some of those views could just be bots scanning content but please don’t burst my bubble here)

A few years ago now I shared the map on here and I set myself a goal at that point. It’s a creative goal that’s still to be achieved for my blog.

I really hope I manage it one day….

oh… and what is it? I’d love to see Greenland go pink!

In all seriousness though, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the ongoing love and support that you show my blog. It really does help to fuel the fires of creativity.

love and hugs to each and every one of you

Coral xx

Silently Watching Beneath the Pink Full Moon

Once the court chamber was empty and Anna had been returned to her secure cell, Jefferson suggested that The Thirteen take a short break before returning to the chamber to discuss the decision. When they reconvened an hour later, the curved table had been rearranged to form a circular table that was more conducive to a group discussion.

“We’ve heard all the testimonies. We’ve listened to the revelation about the blood groups. Are we agreed that we have sufficient information to allow us to reach a fair and balanced verdict?” began Jefferson formally.

“We do,” replied the others in unison.

“Thank you. In view of the blood group complication, are we in agreement that our sister Anna should not be put to death?”

This time there were some rumblings of disagreement.

Stefan was the first to speak, “The bloodlines add a new dimension to this trial. I think Meryn should be afforded more time once this is concluded to research our blood ancestry in greater detail but, from the evidence we have heard so far, I am not in favour of the death penalty for Anna.”

“I agree,” said Michael, his Southern drawl slower than ever as he chose his words. “We need to preserve the bloodline.”

“But if we imprison Anna for the rest of her days, she’s not going to be doing anything to support the preservation of that bloodline,” observed Trine. “She’ll not be allowed to create more of us. She’ll simply fester in a cell. Why not just put her to death now?”

“Death’s too easy for her,” muttered Hannah sourly. “She’s a monster!”

None of them disagreed.

“Are we agreed that Anna is guilty of all the charges brought against her?” asked Jefferson, looking round the table for consent.

“No,” said Meryn, much to everyone’s surprise.

“Explain,” instructed Jefferson, intrigued to hear which charge Meryn thought Anna was innocent of.

“This is where I wish we had adopted the Scottish legal system and could draw on “not proven” as a verdict,” sighed Meryn. “I am of the opinion that Anna is guilty of all but one of the charges. I don’t believe she is guilty of forcing Jeremiah into our vampire way of life.”

“You don’t?” exclaimed Miguel and Manuela together.

“I don’t. I heard my son’s testimony. She gave him a choice. He might be guilty of making a poor choice, but I don’t believe Anna forced him into his transformation entirely against his will.”

“That’s a rather charitable train of thought, Meryn,” observed Jefferson. “But I disagree entirely. The years of hell she subjected your son to are a crime in themselves.”

“Are they?” challenged Meryn sharply. “Did any of you actually hear him complain about the choice he made when it was offered to him?”

“No. He didn’t complain. Not once,” agreed Trine. “If he was angry about the transformation, Jem had plenty of opportunity to kill Anna, but he didn’t. He adapted to life as a vampire.”

“Let’s take a vote,” suggested Jefferson. “If you think Anna is innocent of the charge relating to Jeremiah, raise your hand.”

When he counted, there were eight raised hands.

“By a majority of three, Anna is cleared of the charges relating to unlawfully transforming Jeremiah into a vampire,” concluded Jefferson. “For consistency, raise your hand if you find Anna guilty of all remaining charges.”

All twelve hands were raised this time.

“Thank you. Raise your hand if you are in favour of sentencing Anna to death.”

Four hands were raised when Jefferson counted.

“So, we are agreed by a majority vote that Anna will be spared the death penalty,” he stated. “Now we need to agree how best to imprison her securely.”

“We could incarcerate her here,” commented Meryn calmly. “That would allow easy access to observe her and run more detailed blood analysis.”

“Or we could return her to my tower in Italy,” added Alessandro.

“I’d feel safer if she were kept below ground,” said Stefan. “I still suspect that we haven’t fully discovered the extent of our sister’s powers. She relies heavily on moonlight. Let’s keep her away from the sun and the moon.”

“I agree,” nodded Meryn.

“Is there not too much magic here to imprison her safely?” asked Jai. “You are correct. We do not know her full power. She needs to be kept where she can’t draw strength from the magic in the air around us.”

“A valid point, Jai,” agreed Jefferson. “Do we have any locations that are free from magic and secure enough to contain her?”

“We need to place wards around wherever we imprison her,” commented Jean-Claude. “Can we bind her so that cannot draw on the magic around her?”

“Yes, she will need to be bound. The strongest way to do that is to bind her to one of us but that’s not practical,” replied Meryn.

“Meryn’s right,” nodded Jefferson. “So, we need an underground location that we can seal with strong wards.” He paused, “Stefan, are there any empty cells in Level Zero?”

“There are two.”

“Excellent,” stated Jefferson. “I propose that we imprison Anna here in Level Zero. Raise your hand if you agree.”

Six hands were raised.

“A split vote,” he observed. “It would appear that I have the casting vote here.  I vote that we incarcerate Anna in Level Zero indefinitely.”

“It will be done,” agreed Stefan plainly. “The guards will need a few hours to prepare her cell and to strengthen the wards.”

“Fair. I want her down there by moon rise.”

“It will be done,” agreed Stefan.

“Thank you,” replied Jefferson. “Let’s reconvene in the chamber in thirty minutes to deliver the verdict.”

Alone in his chamber, Jem lay on the bed going over his testimony. Had he missed anything? Did he cast the dark angel in too negative a light? Could he have chosen his words more carefully? Had he really finally admitted what he’d known deep inside for years that he loved her?”

Suddenly he was aware that someone was scrying his mind. The touch was faint, but it was there. Over the years, he had learned to keep the “barriers” up to prevent unwanted intrusions, but he could definitely feel someone probing around. Then he heard it. A faint voice from far away, saying simply, “Help me.”

Anna! It had to be her.

Common sense told him to reinforce his barriers; his heart told him to listen more closely.

“Son of Perran, help me.”

This time the voice was cleared. As he’d been taught, Jem stilled his mind and focused his thoughts on an inanimate mundane object, in this case the doorknob, to prevent the intruder getting past his barriers.

“Please help me.”

A knock at the door startled him back to reality.

“Enter,” he called, trying to sound calmer than he felt.

One of the court officials entered, “It’s time to return to court for the verdict, sire.”

All thoughts of the voice in his mind were momentarily forgotten as he followed the court official along the now familiar passageways to the courtroom. Without a second thought, Jem returned to his usual seat to await the arrival of The Thirteen.

The courtroom fell silent as The Thirteen entered the chamber and took their seats at the table, now returned to its elongated curved shape. In front of Jem, Anna stood still and silent, bound by fresh binds cast by Alessandro.

“I’d like to thank you all for your patience,” began Jefferson warmly. “This trial was always destined to be lengthy and complex, but I don’t think any of us appreciated just how lengthy it would prove to be.” He paused. “Some of you may be surprised by how swiftly we’ve reached a unanimous verdict. For all bar one of the charges against our sister Anna the verdict was clear, having heard the testimonies.”

He paused again to gather his thoughts before continuing, “Anna, daughter of Tristan, The Thirteen find you guilty of all charges bar one. We find you not guilty of the charges in relation to Jeremiah. The Thirteen have agreed that Jeremiah fully understood the choice you gave him prior to the initial failed partial transformation.”

Much to his surprise, Jem found himself breathing a sigh of relief at the verdict.

“Anna, The Thirteen sentence you to a lifetime confined to Level Zero here in the castle. You will be taken from this chamber direct to your cell. You are forbidden from hunting. You are forbidden from practicing magic. You will be bound in your cell to always be truthful. Magic wards will defend your cell. Those wards will alert The Thirteen if you attempt to tamper with them.” He signalled to Alessandro and two of the senior officials to come forward. “Gentlemen, please escort Anna to Level Zero.”

A knock at her chamber door startled Trine as she was packing her things in preparation for returning to her normal suite of rooms.

“Enter,” she called brightly.

If she was surprised to see Jefferson enter the room, she did her best to disguise it.

“Apologies for the intrusion, Trine,” he said warmly. “I’m leaving tonight and wanted to offer my congratulations before I left.”

“You know?”

Jefferson smiled and nodded, “I do and in the interests of protecting us all, including your unborn child, I chose to turn a blind eye to your condition. This babe is the first in hopefully a long line of new purebloods and needed protection. To your credit, you and Meryn did a fine job of concealing the presence of a fourteenth pure blood round the table. There was no need though.” He smiled, “I had already cast a protective enchantment over you that prevented the others from sensing your delicate condition.”

“You could find yourself before the Court of the Elders if anyone were to find out,” commented Trine with a smile.

“I think Stefan would have ensured I had a fair hearing,” laughed Jefferson, reaching out to embrace her. “This pregnancy won’t be easy, my dear. Please follow Meryn’s guidance. If anyone can see you and the babe safely through this, it is Meryn. She supported my wife through both her pregnancies a long time ago.”

“Thanks, Jefferson.”

“No need to thank me, my dear,” he assured her. “Till next time.”

“Till next time,” she echoed as he left the room, leaving the door ajar.

Several hours later, Jem stood alone on the castle ramparts, gazing out across the mountains towards the full moon. It was a crystal-clear night. After so long seated in the underground court chambers, he was relishing the fresh air that was filling his lungs and the brush of the breeze against his skin. Once Anna had been taken away, the seal had been broken on the court and witnesses were all free to leave. Many had already departed, keen to return to their homes. He had returned to the chambers he shared with Trine to await her return.

Two stars that appeared to be shining brighter than the others caught his eye. Silently, he wondered which ones they were.

“Hey,” the familiar voice startled him.

He glanced round to find Trine standing beside him.

“Hey,” repeated Jem, slipping his hand into hers.

“Oh, it’s good to breathe fresh air,” sighed Trine. “I’ve missed it more than I’ve missed hunting.”

“Same,” he replied. “Hopefully it’ll soon be our salty beach air we’re enjoying.”

“Hopefully,” agreed the ice maiden resting her hand on her gently swollen stomach. “A few more days.”

“Why not tomorrow?”

“Meryn wants to teach me how to cope with my pregnancy,” she explained. “Vampire babies are rare. Vampire pregnancies are complicated. It’s not like a human pregnancy. The risks are higher.”

“It’ll be fine,” he promised her softly.

“I hope so,” she said with a smile.

Pointing to the full moon, Trine said, “Did you know that this full moon is the Pink Moon?”

Jem shook his head.

“I think it’s a good omen,” she continued. “A good omen for our daughter.”

Silently Watching Before the Pink Moon

Living quarters within the sealed court lacked the luxury of the rest of the castle but with some persuasion, Stefan had managed to make his private study homely. A log fire crackled in the hearth, casting dancing shadows on the walls of the dimly lit room. It had been a long day in the chamber with several witnesses called forward. Checking over the timeline and list of names, he knew that Jem would be called the following day or the day after at the latest. He was the final witness.

A knock at the door broke into his thoughts, startling him back to the present. Before he could grant the visitor permission to enter, the door opened just long enough to allow Meryn and Trine to slip into the room.

“Good evening,” he greeted them warmly. “This is a pleasant surprise.”

“Evening, Stefan,” greeted Meryn brusquely as she took a seat beside the fire. “We need to talk.”

“Trine,” began Stefan, noticing his daughter’s worried expression. “If this is about Jem testifying tomorrow….”

“It’s not,” interrupted Meryn sharply.

Kneeling on the floor beside her father’s chair, Trine whispered, “I’m pregnant.”

Momentarily lost for words, Stefan stared at her in disbelief.

“Well, say something,” snapped Meryn impatiently.

“That’s the best news I’ve heard in a very long time, my dear,” said Stefan taking his daughter’s hand. “You know the risks?”

Trine nodded.

“When is the baby due?”

“September,” replied Trine softly. “Mid-September.”

“So, you’ve known about this for a while?”

Again, Trine nodded, “Jem knows too.”

“I assumed he did,” commented Stefan gruffly. “The trial will be over long before them. You’ll both be safely back in your beach hut.”

“Stefan, that’s not the pressing issue for now,” interrupted Meryn. “This baby is a pure blood. The first of the new bloodline. Trine has advised me that she thought she felt it moving earlier. Her first trimester is complete. This child is now a child in its own right. It counts….”

“It counts as one of The Thirteen,” finished Stefan, realising where the vampiress was going with the train of thought. “It’ll break the wards over The Thirteen. The trial will be declared void.”

“Exactly!” stated Meryn. “We’ve put too much time and effort into this to let Anna simply walk away on a technicality.”

“I agree. We’re so close to the adjournment for a decision,” agreed Stefan, sharing their anxiety. “Is there a way to safely conceal Trine’s condition from the others?”

“Stefan, you know I can’t practice magic down here!” Meryn reminded him bluntly. “It would trigger the wards sealing the court.”

“True.”

“If we can’t weave magic, is there a potion that could help?” asked Trine quietly.

“Potions are dangerous,” cautioned Meryn. “I don’t want to risk causing any harm to you or my grandchild.”

“Well, we need to come up with something, Meryn!” barked Stefan. “And fast!”

“Crystals,” suggested Trine calmly. “If we can use a potion to enhance the tranquil properties of the crystals, it might be enough to quieten the baby as long as I remain calm too.”

Meryn nodded her approval, “Not a bad suggestion. In fact, right now, I suspect it’s our only one. But, Trine, how can do you think you can remain calm while Jem gives his evidence?”

“I can only try.”

“Do we have access to the crystals that we need for this?” asked Stefan.

“Possibly not but they should be available on request from the guards if I feign insomnia or mild anxiety at the prospect of my son giving evidence. Even assuming that they check with Jefferson, he’s hardly likely to refuse my request,” replied Meryn. “I have the basic ingredients for a sleeping draft in my travel trunk. If I can enhance that and soak the crystals in it overnight, this might just work.”

“So, how will this actually work?” asked Trine.

“You’ll need to secrete the crystals in your robe as close to your womb as you can,” advised Meryn.

“I can do that,” promised the younger vampiress.

“Fine. We have a plan,” nodded Stefan, trying to hide his anxiety from his daughter.

“Agreed,” said Meryn as she got to her feet. “Trine, come to my chamber an hour before dawn.”

Having said goodnight to both Stefan and Trine, Meryn returned to her own small chamber. In her absence the fire had burned down and, as she tossed a fresh log into the hearth, an idea struck her. She could use the energy from the flames to enhance the power of the crystals. Hurriedly she opened the catch on her travel trunk then opened a small hidden compartment concealed in the lid and pulled out a small black velvet pouch. She tipped the contents into the palm of her hand. Gazing down at the selection of small crystals, she picked out a piece of smoky quartz, black tourmaline, and clear quartz. As an afterthought, she added a piece of haematite and a piece of amethyst. Slipping the polished stones into the deep pocket of her robes, Meryn then rang the bell to summon one of the court servants.

“Good evening, Mistress Meryn,” greeted the junior official when she opened the door a few minutes later.

“Good evening,” she replied warmly. “I’m hoping you can help me with a little something.”

“If I can, ma’am.”

“I’ve not been sleeping well. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day. I’ve run out of my nighttime tea and seem to have misplaced some of my crystals.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. What do you need me to bring you?”

“Some lavender and chamomile tea with some valerian added for good measure. I also need a piece of selenite and some moonstone,” requested Meryn with an innocent smile. “Oh! And a piece of labradorite if you have one.”

“Leave it with me, Mistress Meryn. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Thank you,” she said sincerely as the young man prepared to leave the room.

Less than ten minutes later, there was a soft knock at her door, before the junior official entered carrying a round tray. A small tea kettle and cup sat in the centre, a black pouch containing the crystals lay beside it. There was a fresh sprig of lavender lying on the tray too.

“I took the liberty of adding some freshly cut lavender,” the servant explained as he laid the tray on the small table beside the fire. “My grandmother swore by it. She slept with a fresh sprig of lavender under her pillow every night.”

“Thank you. That was truly considerate of you,” replied Meryn graciously.

“Sleep we’ll, Mistress Meryn,” said the servant as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Instead of pouring the tea into the cup, Meryn gathered the crystals together and added them to the tea kettle. Deciding to take a chance, she chanted a simple sleep enhancing spell over the hot liquid, praying that if the light magic was detected that she could pass it off as a desperate act to get a good night’s rest. Carefully she hung the small kettle on the hook over the fire. Taking the lavender spray in her hands, she inhaled its distinctive aroma before crushing it and tossing it into the flames.

With her work complete, the senior vampiress retired to her bedchamber for the night.

As arranged, Trine slipped unseen through the corridors to Meryn’s chamber before dawn. Both vampiresses were dressed in their blue robes ready for the long day ahead in the courtroom.

“Did you manage to get any rest, my dear?” asked Meryn as she reach out to retrieve the tea kettle from its hook.

“Some,” replied Trine, the dark shadows beneath her eyes suggesting otherwise. “I had a thought.” She paused. “I brought some white silk. Perhaps we could soak it with the tea as an additional layer of protection.”

“We could,” agreed Meryn. “But we’ll need to be quick, if it’s to dry before you need to enter court.”

Working quickly, Meryn drizzled the cold lavender tea over the centre section of the band of white silk. She then fished out the crystals and laid them in a grid on the damp silk.

“How will we hold them in place?” asked Trine recognising that the grid formation strengthened the crystals’ powers as long as they didn’t touch.

“I’ll stitch a layer of silk over them and stitch them in place. It’ll create little pockets for them,” explained Meryn, already snipping a section from the end of the piece of cloth.

Deftly, the older woman sewed the crystals in place then carefully bound the silk cloth around Trine’s hips.

“Sew it in place,” suggested the younger woman. “That removes the risk of it coming undone.”

With a nod, Meryn added a row of stitches to the cloth, keeping it flush with Trine’s still slender body. Once Trine let her blue robe cascade down, the band was easily concealed.

“Pray this works, child,” said Meryn, sounding a little anxious. “Now, go. We’ll be collected and escorted to the chamber in a few minutes.”

“Thank you,” replied Trine, hugging the older woman on impulse.

“Thank me when this is all over.”

Sleep had eluded Jem and he yawned as he took his seat in the courtroom. Gazing round, he took in the now familiar scene. Over the weeks and months, he’d grown accustomed to seeing his fellow witnesses, the court officials, The Thirteen in their blue robes and Anna. However, as The Thirteen entered to take their seats, Anna turned round to face him. Their eyes met. Their gazes locked. He shivered as he felt the dark angel stare into his very soul.

“Court is now in session,” boomed one of the officials.

Anna turned back to face The Thirteen, the moment past.

“I’d like to invite our final witness to come forward,” began Jefferson calmly.

With sweating palms, Jem walked the short distance to the chair that had been placed to the left of The Thirteen.

“Jeremiah, know that circle you are about to enter binds you to tell your whole truth,” reminded Jefferson.

Feeling his heart pounding in his chest, Jem took a seat and sat facing The Thirteen ready to answer their questions.

“In your own time, please tell us how you first encountered our sister Anna.”

“I first saw her one Halloween. I was out running, and she appeared in the road in front of me,” began Jem slowly.

“Did she speak to you?” asked William.

“Actually, I spoke first. I thought she was in fancy dress for trick or treating. Said something like “good costume”.”

“Did she reply?”

“All she said was “soon” then she flew off into the night,” he replied, recalling the scene vividly.

“And when did you next meet our sister Anna?” asked Alessandro.

“Not for about eight months. Was around the middle of June. I was out running after dinner with a friend. I’d got ahead of him on the trail. I spotted a dead deer in the middle of the path. Its throat had been ripped out. I was looking back to see where my friend was and when I turned back round Anna was in front of me. She was close. She reached out and touched the tattoo I have on my arm. I closed my eyes for a second then I heard my friend coming up the path behind me. When I opened my eyes, she was gone,” explained Jem. “Turned out she’d bitten me, but I never felt it.”

“Bitten you? Drunk from you?” quizzed Miguel sharply.

“She’d pierced the skin at my neck. If she fed, it could only have been a few drops,” replied Jem. “The next time I saw her, Anna …she referred to me as “forbidden fruit” then said we needed to talk. We didn’t have that talk for a couple of months. She was waiting for me at the graveyard in the village where I live. She said she needed to tell me a story. Turned out the tip of her fang had broken off in my neck which was why the wound wouldn’t heal. Anna also said my blood had poisoned her. She said we were related. Said in over two hundred years, she’d not seen anything like it. Then she offered me a choice.”

“A choice?” echoed Jefferson.

Jem nodded, “The choice to either be like her or to kill her. I asked why I would want to be like her. She proposed a partial transformation that would mean I’d age more slowly, run faster and be able to keep running for years. She gave me a week to decide.”

“A partial transformation is rare,” commented Jai, who had rarely spoken in court. “It takes nurturing to sustain. It’s a delicate balance. It has to come from a place of deep love.”

Jem shivered at the memory of the conversation where Ann had pressed him for an answer. Clearing his throat, he said, “Anna advised against a full transformation. I was married. I had young children at the time. She suggested a full transformation might increase the risk that I’d harm one of my kids.” He paused. “I get I got sucked in. Got caught up in the mystique of it all.”

“When did this partial transformation take place?” asked Stefan calmly.

“One week later. She said it needed to happen after the moon had risen on the night of the next full moon. She called it the Blessing Moon. Cursed moon more like.”

“I’m intrigued,” interrupted Amelie. “Describe to the court how Anna completed this partial transformation, please.”

“I’ll try,” said Jem. “It was a long time ago.” He paused again then continued, “I met her at the graveyard, and she transported me to her mausoleum. Her home. She had things laid out on a black cloth. She put some holy water in the cup to keep the transformation pure. I thought that was strange.  She added moonstone dust, white agate powder, opal dust, oak and mugwort. She then added some of my blood. We took the cup out and under the light of the full moon, she filled the cup with her blood and told me to drink it.”

“Then what happened?” prodded Amelie.

“She transported me home. Told me to sleep,” continued Jem. “She gave me some mugwort to take every day and pouch with the remains of the stones she’d scraped the powder from. Told me to carry it always.”

“And did you?” asked Meryn out of curiosity.

Slipping his hand into his trouser pocket, Jem withdrew a worn green velvet bag. “Yes.”

“Interesting,” mused Jefferson. “How long did this partial transformation suffice, Jeremiah?”

“About four months.”

“Then what happened?” prompted Jefferson.

“I developed a blood rage. Almost attacked my son. Anna called it Rabbia Sanguigna. She then taught me how to hunt to satisfy the cravings. I kept up the mugwort to stop my wings from forming.”

“There are recognised ways to quench Rabbia Sanguigna,” commented Amelie. “I’ve studied it. Did our sister Anna try anything to stop the rage?”

Jem nodded, “She gave me a blood potion. I can’t remember what all she added but it involved the stones in the pouch plus another blue one and some oak. She also said I needed to drink the blood of my living vampire relative.”

Meryn flinched visibly at his words.

“And did you?” asked Stefan, staring intently across the room.

“Yes. Anna was gone until New Year. She brought me two flasks of blood that I drank,” he replied. “It was my mother’s blood.”

“What happened next?” encouraged Jefferson.

“I never saw her for three or four months. She turned up one night as I was leaving work and told me the partial transformation had failed.” Jem paused, unsure how to reveal the next part of his tale. “That summer my Rabbia Sanguigna flared one day. I had noticed that it got worse around the full moon but usually I could control myself. This day I didn’t. I met an injured cyclist on my way home from work. No excuses. I lost control when I saw his blood. I fed from him and killed him. Anna gave me fits that night after work for being so careless. She said I had speeded things up because I killed him at the full Buck Moon. I’d also stupidly missed a few days of the mugwort tea I drank.”

“And after that your wings began to bud,” surmised Jefferson.

Jem nodded, “Anna tried to slow their growth.”

“How?”

“She gave me a concoction to pour into the wing buds every month. She also designed a tattoo for me to have inked around the buds. Whatever was in that concoction burned like fire and hurt like hell when I poured it into the holes, I pierced in my back each time.”

“Did you get the tattoo?” asked Stefan. “I’m guessing that the design was part of the enchantment.”

Jem nodded.

“Can you please show the court?” requested Jefferson, curious to see the design.

Feeling slightly embarrassed, Jem unfastened his shirt and removed it before turning his back to The Thirteen. He could feel them staring at the intricate Celtic pattern that spanned his upper back.

“Thank you,” said Jefferson warmly. “Please continue.”

Having put his shirt back on, Jem continued, “Anna sent me away with a box of glass phials and a supply of moss to cover the holes. I had to pierce two holes in the wing buds each month, pour in one phial of liquid then cover the holes with the moss. I followed that regime for twenty-five years then I ran out of phials. Once they ran out, my wings grew quite quickly. I panicked and reached out to her for help. She came but she told me I was on my own. Before she left that night, she did admit that she’d failed me.”

“Was that when you moved to your beach hut?” asked Trine, finally feeling bold enough to address her partner.

“Yes.”

“And that’s when we became aware of your existence,” added Stefan calmly.

“Jeremiah,” began Jefferson. “Did you know before you first met our sister Anna that vampire blood flowed in your veins?”

“No.”

“Even though your own birth mother is a pure blood and a member of this council?”

“I never suspected a thing until Anna mentioned that she needed my mother’s blood.”

“That’s to the credit of Meryn,” interjected Stefan bluntly. “She was keen that Jeremiah live a human existence.”

“Jem,” said Jean-Claude, who had remained silent throughout. “May I ask you a question?”

Jem nodded.

“You said you were offered a choice,” began the French vampire. “Why didn’t you kill Anna? You knew that was an option before you agreed to the partial transformation. Did you never feel tempted to do it, especially when things failed?”

“Good question,” commented Jem, stalling for some thinking time. “No, I was never tempted to kill her. I thought about it many times especially over the past year or two, but I can’t kill her.”

“Why?” pressed Jean-Claude.

“Because she created me,” replied Jem quietly. “Because a part of me remains loyal to her. Because a part of me loves her.”

“Merci.”

“Are there any further questions?” asked Jefferson.

His question was met with silence.

“Thank you, Jeremiah,” said Jefferson warmly. “I release you from the circle. Your testimony is complete.”

Once Jem had returned to his seat, Jefferson turned his attention to Anna, “You’ve listened to the testimonies of all of our witnesses, sister Anna. Do you have any mitigation to offer?”

“No,” started the dark angel calmly.

“Do you have anything you wish to say to the court?”

“No.”

“Very well,” said Jefferson with a nod. “The Thirteen will now retire to consider the evidence that has been presented to us. Please return to your chambers. A court official will fetch you when it is time to return to hear the court’s decision. I’d like to thank you all for your time and your patience throughout this trial. It has been appreciated.”

With a last glance round at the dark angel, Jem followed everyone out of the chamber with a heavy heart.

Continue the Story …. the party guest ( flash fiction)

She knew she had to leave. Quickly. She should never have come. She should have politely declined the invitation. She didn’t belong here. This all felt so wrong.

Scanning the room, she searched for an escape route. One door led to the kitchen and judging from the laughter coming from there, it was full of guests. The only other door was the one to the hallway. If she could get to the hallway, she could slip out of the front door unnoticed with a bit of luck.

Between her and the door though was her host. He was chatting animatedly, beer in hand, with several guys that she didn’t know. He kept glancing over though as if to check that she was still there. Looking round, she realised that she didn’t know anyone. How had she been talked into this party? She hated house parties. Too many ghosts from her past where she’d been left trying to make polite conversations with wives she didn’t know and had little in common with.

If she left too soon though he’d be offended and that was the last thing she wanted to do. He was the only reason she’s agreed to come.

She had taken great care with her appearance. Now though she felt stupid. He wasn’t going to care about how she looked while he was surrounded by all his friends.

Eventually she saw him excuse himself and head into the kitchen, presumably for another beer. Seizing her chance, she slipped from the room into the hall then out the door.

The cool night air soothed her as it caressed her bare arms. Fortunately, her car hadn’t been blocked in.  As she started the engine, she saw light spilling from the open front door.

His gaze followed her as she drove away.

Meet The Writer 2024 parts 11-15

#meetthewriter Day 11/15- ODE

An interesting thought…..

Writing, oh how you wring out my emotions!

You inspire me to create.

You torture me when words refuse to flow

You fill me with joy and allow me to breathe

Writing, you are pure oxygen to me.

#meetthewriter Day 12/15 – IDENTITY

Oh good question! There is an element of imposter syndrome lurking about with regards to this one. Right from the day I finished the first draft of Stronger Within, inwardly I was incredibly proud of what I had achieved. Openly admitting that took a lot longer…about 5 books longer! Now I am more comfortable to say that I am an indie-author but it still depends on the situation. Being a writer is an intrinsic part of who I am. It’s been such a huge part of my life for over ten years that I can’t imagine it any other way now. If folk think being a writer makes me a bit weird then that’s fine by me. Afterall why be normal?

#meetthewriter Day 13/15- THREE

Describe my writing style in 3 little words….ok here goes.

Emotional Believable Honest

Have a read at my book babies and my blog and judge for yourself 😊

#meetthewriter Day 14/15 – IMAGININGS

The writing dream was always to see my name on the cover of a “real” book and that has already come true. I’ll not lie, I would love to see my books for sale on the shelves of high street bookshops, but I appreciate if that was to happen, it could bring some unwanted “fame” with it and that’s not for me as a person. And let’s face it, Amazon is the biggest “bookshop” around and they’re already on its virtual shelves complete with glittering stars so let’s not get greedy here.

#meetthewriter Day15/15 – COMMITMENT

Day 15 already… the last fifteen days have flown by.

My commitment to my writing life is to keep going and to keep enjoying it. After all that has gone in my world over the past few months, I am still finding my feet, so I am doing my best not to put any undue pressure on myself with regards to deadlines with my writing. This is a year to restore some balance and to begin to heal from the past few years.

The wee driven stubborn bit of me that keeps whispering in my ear would love to see Book Baby 8 released by the end of 2024. The voice of reason is saying “be content to get the first draft done”.

Time will tell on which voice wins 😉

Sunflowers, Shadows, Grief and Living…

Up until now I’ve resisted the temptation to blog about grief.

To be honest, its not a word I like.

Perhaps its me who is weird here (wouldn’t be the first time) but when we lose someone that we love I feel that their life should be celebrated not mourned. When the Big Green Gummi Bear passed away last October, he left very few instructions regarding his funeral wishes. I feel we celebrated his life in a way that he would have appreciated. I felt that the humanist service reflected him and his personality rather than being a staid solemn affair. (Some may beg to differ).

In the weeks/months since I have explored several websites and bereavement/grief forums looking for…well I’m not really sure what I was looking for. I kind of felt I should check out these places in an effort to help me come to terms with all that had happened.

I very quickly discovered that these were not for me. No disrespect to anyone who draws comfort from them, but I found them to be spaces where folk were dwelling on their loss. Places where people were content to stay stuck in the throes of death and loss. Maudling spaces. Sorry, that’s not for me.

I mentioned that the word grief makes me feel uncomfortable.

I prefer to think of myself as healing.

People tell you that you need to move on. Another strange expression…. Yes, you do need to move on, but I feel that I need to move on with my memories (good and bad) and not just park them in that space marked grief/bereavement/loss. Moving on with those memories is all part of the healing journey. Those memories have made me who I am.

I sometimes get the impression that I make friends and colleagues uncomfortable by talking openly and honestly about the Big Green Gummi Bear. What am I meant to do? Stay silent and pretend he never existed?  Not happening.

If I’m to move forwards in a healthy manner, then those memories have to move forward with me too. Yes, there are still plenty of occasions where I can feel my emotions threatening to overwhelm me, but a pause and a deep breath are usually enough to see me through the conversation. Let’s face it no one wants to see you crying and at the end of the day there are only so many tears you can shed. Every storm runs out of rain eventually.

The Helen Keller quote above ties in beautifully with my philosophy here. After several rough years, I am ready to turn my face towards the sun. I’m ready to let those shadows fall behind me rather than have them consume me. I’ll never be without my shadow. None of us are unless you’re like Peter Pan but I don’t need it staring me in the face. It needs to find its proper place and that’s behind me. I’ll check in on it when I need to. I won’t forget about it.

 One step at a time I’m finding my new path through this journey called life.

The Measly Jar of Motivation – the feeling of anticipation

I sat down to write this week’s blog savouring the feeling of anticipation of a creative spurt.

I hoped to seek joy in the words I would write.

I sat, pencil in hand, staring at the blank page.

I sat poised to write.

I waited……

And I waited……

And I’m still sitting with the feeling of anticipation as I wait for the words to begin to flow….

March is Brain Tumour Awareness month in the UK – did you know that?

March is Brain Tumour awareness month in the UK…and I’ll bet you weren’t aware of that. (Ok, some of you might have been)

In general, I keep my private life out of my blog but this week I’m making an exception.

But first some facts….

Did you know that brain tumours are the biggest killer of adults under 40 and children?

Brain tumour research represents around 1% of the national spend on cancer in the UK. (The biggest spend is on breast cancer – £52M which equates to 7.76%)

In general, only 17% of people diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumour will survive 5 years or more. (This compares to around 70% for breast cancer)

Over 12000 people in the UK are diagnosed each year with a primary brain tumour, including 500 children.

Over 5300 people lose their lives to a brain tumour every year in the UK.

An estimated 88000 adults and children in the UK are currently living with a brain tumour.

I’ll pause here to let you digest these facts…..

The Big Green Gummi Bear, my late husband, lost his life to a brain tumour (Glioblastoma) in October 2023.  He was only 54 years old.

The Big Green Gummi Bear was first diagnosed on 26 August 2020, at the height of Covid. I chose not to share any aspect of his journey – our journey- via my blog as I felt it was something too personal and too raw to share. To an extent, it still is.

In October 2020 I reached out to MacMillan Cancer Support’s online community for support. I felt lost and scared and simply needed someone to hold my hand and guide me through the nightmare that was unfolding in front of me. MacMillan’s community was there for me and still is.  I was invited a few months later to train to become one of their Online Community Champions. It’s a volunteer role I fulfil still on a daily basis. I felt after The Big Green Gummi Bear passed away that it would be selfish of me to withdraw my time and support from that community just because I didn’t necessarily need them anymore. Supporting the users of that community has in fact helped me with the healing process we call grief. If something I say helps someone to feel less lost, less useless and less scared then, its worth the pain of ripping the scabs off these partially healed wounds.

Over the past few years, I have written several blogs for MacMillan’s community blog space that have been well-received.

To help raise awareness of the impact that a primary brain tumour diagnosis can have not just on the person with the diagnosis but their friends and family too, I’d like to share the links to some of these blogs here.

Caring for a partner with a brain tumour – a Community member’s story – Macmillan Online Community

“I’m fine”: how do you really cope as a carer? – Macmillan Online Community

How do you prepare to hear the news? Getting the results with member Wee Me – Macmillan Online Community

If you or a friend or family member has been impacted by a brain tumour diagnosis, here are some links that you may find supportive:

Macmillan Cancer Support | The UK’s leading cancer care charity

The Brain Tumour Charity

Brain Tumour Research | Together we will find a cure

Home – Brainstrust, brain tumour charity

Brain tumours | Cancer Research UK

Thank you for reading/listening

(image sourced via Google- credits to the owner)